I received a letter yesterday.
Dear Bret Wortman,
My name is xxx xxxxx, and I'm the Vice President and General Manager for xxxx. I know you have a choice when it comes to wireless service, and I'd like to take a moment to say thank you for choosing xxxx.
We strive to deliver a wireless service that lets you connect with everything that matters. With the nation's largest 4G network, you're covered across the U.S. with fast download speeds. And since everyone's needs are different, we've got the fairest and most flexible rate plans, so you can choose the one that's right for you. Also, xxxx's network lets you talk and surf the Web at the same time. This means you can keep the conversation going while you do things like update your status, get directions, or check the weather.
While we're focused on bringing you exciting new devices and more ways to connect, we also understand the importance of investing in the communities where our customers live and work. As part of our "It Can Wait" campaign, which educates our customers about the dangers of texting while driving, we brought virtual reality driving simulators to local high schools to let teen drivers experience how texting impacts driving safety. It's helped start conversations and shift perspectives about texting behind the wheel. You can learn more and get involved at itcanwait.com.
I appreciate the opportunity you have given us to serve your communication needs. We are grateful for this privilege and we promise to keep working hard to earn your business every day.
Now, go read my friend Matt's excellent post about how to write. Go ahead, I'll wait.
When I finished reading this, my first thought was, "what was the point of that?" I had to read it again to realize that he promised one thing up front ("I'd like to take a moment to say thank you") but never delivered on that promise.
What happened instead?
A sales pitch.
But there was no close, just a pitch. No call to action, no real "thank you". Just a confused jumble of thoughts slapped on a page and sent out at no small cost to customers.
If you really want to thank your customers, make sure they feel thanked. Don't sell them while you're thanking them.
If you want to sell them, then SELL them. Give them a way to buy, or at least something to buy.
But this? A waste of the author's time and mine both.
Your turn: How might you have fixed this letter? Tell me about it in the comments below.